2006 Turkey Season

Pull up a chair and put your reading glasses on, because I’m pretty windy this year.

“We Did It”

Yes sir re bob, we harvested the 100 bird. Finally. My last hunter, Mr. Clyde Neely of The lone star state got the privilege of hammering it at 63 yards. He thinks it was number 99, but it was actually 100. I really didn’t know we did it until I got the tally sheet out and went through it about 6 times. There it was in black and white. You know, the tally sheet is not the most completely filled out form here at Paradise, but I know as well as you know that if it’s close enough for Doc, it’s close enough for me. You know, Doc and I didn’t fall all that far apart from the tree. It’s just that we came from two different trees. We think an awful lot alike, and I think that kind of worries me a little, if you know what I mean. Any way, WE-DID-IT…….. I also want to thank each and every one of you that came out and hunted with us. I also want to thank the ones that couldn’t make it for other reasons. I know you were wishing us all the best, as we were wishing you all the best. I want to thank God for this wonderful season and all the blessings he bestows upon us. For the safety he gives our hunters and guides. Because this is a very dangerous line of work we are in and I know His hand has protected us, especially me. I have just completed my 20th year of guiding and almost every day that I have guided, I have been around guns. That should say something about hunters and the safety that they have displayed through the years.

My first 10 years was nothing but quail hunts and that is probably the most dangerous of them all. The worst two accidents that I saw in 20 years was a man getting hit with number 8 shot from a rica-shay off of a hedge tree. He was really lucky, because it stuck in his cheek just under his eye. The other accident was a dog got hit when a guy took a shot at a low flying bird. The dog came over a little rise just as the shot rang out. We rushed the dog to the nearest vet, but it was too late. Those were the worst things that have happened. I can only thank Him for that kind of protection. I have taken hundreds and hundreds of people, and, for many, it was their first time. Two of my worst experiences while guiding were, my very first quail hunt, or hunt of any kind that I guided, was a total flop. It was a blizzard and quail hunting sucks in the snow and my cameras film was not turning either. So, I got zero pictures and they got zero birds. Needless to say, I never saw them again.

My second worst experience that I had, which I’ve only told a few, occurred during my 4th or 5th season guiding turkeys. I think it was a father/son team. I could tell they were both excited and nervous, kind of like me. Anyway, we get out there and were set up in this hedgerow on the fence line between Carters Hill and Travis’. You guides know the little triangle field I am talking about. Well, this ol’ tom is gobbling right out in front of us. Man was my adrenalin flowing. But in the quiet of the morning I could here this guys stomach growling. Man was it carrying on. I felt sorry for him; I knew what he was going through, so I leaned over and asked him if he was all right? He said, “I think I need to go to the bathroom”. I said, “Go ahead and crawl back thru the woods and go”. Well, all was good I thought, until I heard him stop crawling about 6 feet away. Do any of you know what a sick, nervous, upset, quizzie stomach sounds like when the back door is suddenly swung open at 5:30 in the morning? Oh baby, “IT SURE WASN’T PERTY”. I CAN STILL HEAR THOSE SOUNDS IN MY HEAD. Nightmarish. I sure learned something that day. From that point on I tell people just how far to go, OUT OF MY HEARING RANGE, THANKYOU…………………………………poor guy, the bird also went the other way. I don’t blame him a bit. I am sure he thought there was a mudslide over there or something.

Well back to this glorious season, that is glorious to some and very, very humbling to others. I told you Doc and I are a lot alike and to prove it we both absolutely sucked for the first 8 or 9 days. Of course it was right when we had two camera men hired to get some wonderful footage for the next Headhunters video. Boy what a joke that was. Neither Doc nor I could even get one close enough to see Henrietta or Mary Lou or whatever decoy we had in front of us. It just wasn’t meant to be. Really this didn’t start until the regular season. Youth season was great. We had a total of 6 kids come out and seven birds were shot. Two got 2 birds each, three got 1 bird each and one had 3 opportunities. So as you can tell, it was a very successful youth season and we did get most of it on film.

Now back to the regular season, it was not only humbling, it was down right confusing. After about the sixth day I will never forget the words that came out of our mild mannered Doc, (Guide of many years with overflowing wisdom). You see our two new rookie guides, (Josh & Matthew) were having the time of their lives, and even brother Mike was bringing birds in almost everyday. Doc and I were taking the ridiculing pretty well up to this point. We were actually harder on ourselves than anything, (they were afraid to say anything to the brass). Josh and Matthew had been killing birds with the greatest of ease, it seemed and we were getting tired of hearing, “Boy if the camera man would have been with me, that big old, bushy bearded tom came clear across a wide open field for 2 miles. Strutting all the way. It was awesome”. Well that evening, when we were all sitting down to eat, here came Josh strolling in. He had that turkey-murdering smirk on his face once again. Doc asked, “Well, did you get another bird today”? Josh replied, “Of course we did”. The room was silent for a second and then he said, “Not really”. Doc looked up and said, “Boy you’re lucky”. I quickly looked over at him and noticed his shirt was starting to rip open in a couple of places when he said. “Because I was getting ready to go over and congratulate your hunters and then take you outside and kick your @$$. Now that right there showed me just how much this turkey hunting can mess with your mind. Doc, small in stature, mild tempered, and just an all-round lovable guy, had just turned into the HULK, just like that, right in front of our eyes. Wow! I didn’t know whether to run or laugh. Suddenly everyone realized it was Doc that had said that, and they all busted out laughing. It was hell-larry-us. I guess maybe you had to be there, or know Doc. Anyway, AGRAVATION+HUMILITY+HURTPRIDE+FRUSTRATION+TEMPER=FIRST 8 OR 9 Days. Yes, that pretty much sums it up for my buddy and I. I swear I’ve never tried so many different tactics and put away and brought out so many different calls in all my years put together. Now we know what them ball players go through when they are in one of them so called BATTING SLUMPS.

Doc and I did finally straighten up. We both started hammering them once again and Doc’s streak continued back East and mine continued right on through till the end of the season. I even hammered one of my own. It was my first time in several years. I do feel sorry for our hunters that we, (Doc and I) took during this dark period of our careers. It must have been pathetic for them, watching and listening to us. I think Josh and Matthew though, were proud of our resilience, (Until they read this). We were just thankful it wasn’t those two with the bad luck, because we know they wouldn’t have been able to handle the pressure NEARLY as well. I’ll bet they probably would have been suicidal, or at least ready to hang up their feathers and go back to that city life. Huh Doc. Yeah, me, Doc, we bad. We’re going to make up for it next year. Starting out in FLORIDA. Yes sir re, some Osceolas are going down. Wait a minute, I’m kind a starting to feel like that guy in the woods. Ohhhh, my stomach! I gotta think about something else.

The Turkey Chart, man is it bubbling with information. First off, New Record for P.A., of course, 100 birds harvested in one season. (Applause). Another record, the most people taken in one season. (More Applause) Another record, the most money spent on gasoline, by far. (Boo). Thank you, Oil’ies. Not too bad on the stars though, only 32 birds missed. There were 83 people on the list and out of those, 80 were clients. 59 birds were taken in the AM and 41 in the PM. Two bearded hens were on the list, along with 24 jakes. That is the most jakes we have ever harvested in one season. That just shows the tough year it was in getting those big boys to respond in that heat and then in the rain. We ended up seeing plenty of long beards right up thru the end of the season. Just ask any of the late hunters and they would say the same. We should have a great carry over for next year, unless something drastic happens. There were 18 Rios taken, 72 Easterns and 10 Hybrids. 3 toms weighed 25 pounds, 1 – 24, 3 - 23, 6 – 22, 18 – 21, 12 – 20 and so on. 2 had triple beards and 6 had doubles. We had 2 that had at least a 12 inch beard, 11 had beards in the 11 inch range, 36 were in the 10 inch range, and 13 were in the 9 inch area. Clinton Murphree and Matt Galati tied for the longest beard contest, both took 12 inchers; Bernie will have to cough up an extra prize, (turkey foot back scratcher). That reminds me, we had a tie in our essay contest also this year at our middle school. They were, Alex Walker and Laura Erbe both of the rural Altoona KS. They were also our first girls to win our contest and you should see both on the next Headhunters Video. WAY COOL. They both wrote extremely good essays and are quite the turkey hunters. Well, no one even came close to beating my boy, Hunters 1 and 13/16 inch spurs. The longest this season was, 1 and 3/8 inches. That bird belongs to Mr. John Mastroanni. There were also 14 with 1 and ¼ inch, 8 with 1 and 1/8 inch, 2 with 1and 1/16, and 22 with spurs in the 1 inch category. Nineteen people shot their first turkey ever. I love getting people hooked on turkey hunting and Cabela’s should give me a little commission, don’t you think? Hey, if any of this does not make sense or does not add up right, or if I have left someone out. Please forgive me and take all of your complaints by phone to Doc. Please. Cause I have found out, he can handle just about anything or anybody. That’s BS549-Doc.

NWTF, VIP hunt went great, May 9 -11. We had a blast and I know they did as well. I’m sure they are all coming back, and this time Mr. Carl Brown won’t let some little appendicitis attack keep him away, I’ll bet’cha. Once he hears about the food we serve and the birds they saw and harvested. I bet a real big stick won’t keep him away next year. Hey I did learn one more thing this season that really stands out above all the rest. My feathered friends that I chassed for nearly 2 months taught me this. If you ever have a hen come in by her self and she talks to your decoy and you’re wondering where the toms are, but you can’t see them anywhere. Just say, “WHERE’S YOUR DADDY” fairly loud, and I’ll bet you’ll find out if they are anywhere close real quick. It worked for me; and another BIG TOM bites the dust. Try it sometime. In fact, try it when you have someone real important out and your trying to impress them. I tell ya, it is great tool and it works like a charm. GUARANTEED. You just have to make the shot, however tough it may be. (Behind you and too the right, and you are right handed). Nice switchover Thank you again, Larry, real nice shot, and thank you Donna, for not shooting the guide. That poor fellow, you know he’s just lacking a few feathers from having a full headdress, most of the time, if you know what I mean. Thanks everyone, especially my guides. Shane McKinley, Matthew McDougall, Doc, (Greg Caldwell), brother Mike Nudestkamp, Gary Magee and Josh (the killer) Hansen, Bruce Hansen and me of course, Top Brass. It was a lot of fun once again. See you all next year, God willing. So, from all of us here at Paradise Adventures, audios… HEY! Where’d that come from, we don’t need any of that Espanola crap here. PERIOD!

Written by: Kurt Nunnenkamp
On these dates: June 7, 8, and 9, 2006

PP. God, please be with our troops and bring them home as soon as possible. I know they are doing a wonderful job and I am SO PROUD of them. Thank You, Amen.